DEEP WITHIN

After photography, acrylic and mixed media sculpture, I have renewed my acquaintance with an old friend, computer art. I first made this friend in London, on my first job, when I left France after college. I was then fascinated by the potentials computers offered but for the next twenty plus years I did not have access to the necessary equipment. Computers now offer sophisticated graphic tools, some of which embody photographic principles.

I miss the long silent hours in my darkroom, processing film and prints. I miss the smell and touch of the photographic chemicals. I miss the sound of the saw, the engraving bit singing its endless mantra which carried me to other places and spaces while sculpting. The computer, however, allows me, as in the darkroom, to experience awe when a new piece, a new picture appears.

This time, my awe comes from a cabbage.

Yes, I take images of pieces of cabbages. Working with one image at a time, I combine it with itself in various ways and incredible images appear on my monitor, recreating this strong feeling of awe at the hidden beauty of nature.

Offering techniques not available in photography, the computer allows me new avenues of experimentation. The computer also allows me to continue my creative work despite my having minuscule energy during a time of healing. I am healing from numerous problems that followed a head injury four years ago, when an acrylic box fell on my head. I had this box made years ago to hold a photographic portfolio - a set of prints designed for art collectors.

This box certainly had a powerful message for me!

Photography and acrylic sheets hit me on the head and I get back to my art!

Soon I make the connection between my head injury and creating art from a "head" of cabbage. Then I discover that the English word cabbage comes from the French word "caboche" which means head.

Then, from the images I work with, I become aware of the actual location of the healing. When I focus on the hollow shapes inside the cabbage, I feel I am healing my brain ventricles. When I work with the convoluted outside leaves, I feel I am healing my cortex, the upper part of the brain.

One day there was a great change. From each and every image I worked with, emerged an equal number of strong male and female shapes and symbols. I knew that something was happening or about to happen in me. I thought of the alchemical process, of the conjunction of the opposites, of the mystic marriage. Further more, the female shapes always appeared when I was working with the light aspect of the images while the male ones appeared when I worked with the dark aspect giving validation to my self concept as a woman.

Within two days, the symbology was no longer abstract. Suddenly very graphic images appeared - too graphic to be included here under the rules of our current society: I was, staring at the actual picture of a human conception! My conception! I was finished with the past and reconceived in the present for the future.

A greater healing was taking place. Not just the healing of the head injury, but the healing of my whole life, my whole body and soul from conception to the present.

My physical body still has a long way to go to heal itself and regain its strength in the present. It is a slow process, patience is needed, but my art helps me sustain that healing and monitor its progress.

Interestingly enough, in the last few days, I have felt very "pregnant", experiencing the power of the feminine energies rising from "Deep Within" myself, ready to give birth not only to some new artwork, but also to a new me, to a new Woman, stronger, freer, healthier. Whoever she might be, I welcome her into this world.